It’s a cool, Autumn day in Portland. On this particular day, the sun has made a rare appearance. Shining its rays on those who are shuffling around town. The busy bustle of downtown and the sound of the Willamette river fill the air as the day lingers on. In a school yard, there sits a young girl. Her blond hair in pigtails and her cheeks a bright red from smiling. She was swinging on the swing set. She had very few friends and the ones she did have were not at the school she attended. Many of her peers did not like her presence and thought of her as the strange one. It wasn’t her fault. She was born different and her 8 year old classmates weren’t old enough to know that. They just saw that she was trying too hard, that she spoke funny and acted weird. To a parent’s eye it was sad, but little Noelle didn’t care. She was just being herself.
Until that day, she sat all alone on the swing set. She was having fun and didn’t care how others thought of her. As she sat there, three girls came up to her. They pushed her off of the swings. They hurled some of the worse names that she has heard in her life. They punched her and pulled her hair. They then stole her lunch money. They left her crying and bleeding in the sand in front of the swing she was just having fun in. No one came over for what felt like forever to Noelle. The teacher who found her helped her up and asked what had taken place and she couldn’t say because she was too scared to tell. Her parents were called down and were told to take her home. When asked what they would do to stop these girls, they refused to do anything stating that Noelle was asking for it, that because of how different she is from the other kids, this was her fault. Noelle never trusted another school employee again. From that point on, she became depressed and angry. The bullying continued well into her high school years. Between already having Autism Spectrum Disorder, she was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety. Her grades were never good, she had frequent trips to the hospital with suicide attempts. Her parents, try as they did, could do nothing to help her. She fell into a hole that nothing seems to get her out of. Noelle ended up committing suicide at the age of 16.
In a small office in Chicago, John Cevik sat at his cubical doing his work. He was a mousey, quiet fellow who never bothered anyone, usually got there early and left on time, and never made a fuss. He was not anyone’s friend because he was there to work and to work only. His private life did not mix with his insurance sales. One day, he decided to get himself more coffee because he was working on a particularly hard case and the paperwork was lengthy and hard. AS he walked over to the break room, he overheard two employees talking. “Ya have you seen that John Fellow? He’s so quiet. I wonder why he doesn’t talk to anyone?” the first voice said. “I don’t know but he’s just so creepy, I heard he was fired from his last job for touching a woman.” The second one snickered. “You don’t say? No wonder why he never goes to the office parties or get togethers!” “Well I definitely don’t want to, don’t need him touching me!” They snickered and continued on. John shook his head and thought to himself, “Well it must be another John, I mean I haven’t done anything to get people to not like me.” So e continued on to get his coffee. When he sat back down at his desk, there was a note on his desk, “You’re a perv, why are you here anyways?” He looked around and sighed. He then threw away the paper and went back to work.
At about five o’clock he clocked out and proceeded to walk to his car. As he was about half way there, two of his male colleagues stopped him. “Where are you going?” Sad the first. “You going to attack little, helpless women?” The second laughed. John sighed and tried to walk on. “Where do you think you’re going?” The biggest one said. “I am going to my car, I haven’t touched anyone and I don’t plan to. I have a wife and a small baby at home who I adore and would never do something like that.” “Right, like you’d tell the truth! I am going to teach you a lesson you won’t forget!”
Black, blue and bloody he drove home. He walked up to his front door and opened it. His wife called out a hello but he ignored it and went to be. The next day at work, his boss called him in to his office.
“Mr. Cevik, I have been receiving some very disturbing complaints of you as of late. I have had two women complain that you have touched them inappropriately. What do you have to say to this? And what in Godly tarnations happened to your face?” “Sir, I have done no such thing. I have always kept to myself, I am always early, leave on time, I don’t go to the parties because I want time with my family, I always get my work done and I don’t really communicate with anyone aside from your self sir. I don’t know why anyone would say anything like this, I have a wife I love deeply and a daughter who just learned to walk this morning. I would do anything for them and I love my wife so deeply I have never even so much as looked as any other woman than her. As far as my face goes, Landy and Grost cornered me in the garage last night and beat me up. I didn’t say or do anything to them, and I just went on my way after.” “Being that you have never given me any trouble for the last 15 years you have worked here, I am inclined to believe your story. I will talk to these two women and straighten them out as well as talk to the men that did this too you. For your safety I ask that you let me know when you leave. If they bother you again, you call the police, clear?””Yes sir, thank you sir.” And John quickly left the room. He went back to work.
Two hours later the two women who had been spreading rumors, came up to him and threatened him that it wasn’t over. For two months straight, they harassed and bothered him. They didn’t give him a break. He decided after so long and many reports to HR with no luck, that he would find another job and quit. Once he found a job, he went to his boss and quit the job. He got nothing for the fifteen years and he felt that these women had won but he had nothing else he could do. So he walked out of there with his head hung low.
These sort of things happen every day, to anyone, anywhere. It’s called bullying. Bullying can take place online, at school, at home, at work and outside in public. Many times bullying goes unreported or ignored. Many times the victim is blamed or is not listened to.
When the case is at school, many times the child doesn’t report it. “64 percent of children who were bullied did not report it; only 36 percent reported the bullying. (Petrosina, Guckenburg, DeVoe, and Hanson, 2010)” Which can lead to many things. “…students who are bullied are more likely to experience low self-esteem and isolation, perform poorly in school, have few friends in school, have a negative view of school, experience physical symptoms (such as headaches, stomachaches, or problems sleeping), and to experience mental health issues (such as depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety (Center for Disease Control, Bullying Surveillance Among Youths, 2014). “Bullying affects witnesses as well as targets. Witnesses are more likely to use tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs; have increased mental health problems; and miss or skip school (StopBullying.gov). “ More often than not, those who have committed suicide, have been severely bullied. Those who have the courage to report the bullying end up in a worse situation where they are blamed in one way or another for the bullying, the school edns up becoming the bully or the bullies come after them. The only way to stop bullying is for the schools to take action and for the parents to become active in their child’s lives. We must keep an eye on what our children do on Facebook and social media and we must teach them that we need to be kind to others, to see past physical and mental appearances, and to stand up for those who they see being bullied. These are a few things that could help our children grow to be kinder. How can our children grow up to be respectful of others if we ourselves do not teach them to be?? (http://www.pacer.org/bullying/)
Adults can be bullied as well. Not only does it create the same sort of side effects as above, but it can completely ruin their career and lives. Workplace bullying can lead to jobs lost, careers destroyed, marriages broken, and lives lost. People work to put themselves where they are at and bullies in the workplace can be slanderers. One wrong word, one wrong rumor, can destroy a person’s career. Often times like in John’s case, these rumors can’t be stopped. HR may just easily forget or ignore when told. They may even continue the bullying. Things that can help stop this from happening is HR taking these cases seriously, Creating action plans, workshops, and interventions. There are many websites that give advice on these subjects and even groups that can be hired to conduct these. Every business should have these in place to make sure that bullying does not happen and if it does, that it is handled immediately. (http://www.workplacebullying.org/)
Bullying is a serious epidemic in the world, not just in the USA. It can lead to major consequences and in the worse case, suicide. It needs to end but it can’t until we all work together to stop it. Yes, children can be mean and some adults too but if we stop this thought that “kids will be kids”, it can make a world of difference. We keep making excuses, we keep allowing it to happen. We must stop this. The bullies must take accountability for the things they have done, until then it will not end.
Resources:
http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/#
The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See below for additional crisis services and hotlines.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
Nacional de Prevención del Suicidio
1-888-628-9454
Options For Deaf + Hard of Hearing
1-800-799-4889
Veterans Crisis Line
1-800-273-8255
Text 838255
Disaster Distress Helpline
1-800-985-5990
Text TalkWithUs to 66746
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