I have been trying to bring more awareness to disassociation as of late. I decided to ask around to my friends, family and others to tell me how they would describe their experience with it or what it's like. Each person who answered has experienced at some point disassociation, I ask that everyone respect those who have answered.
"For me it's like I'm on auto pilot, I see what's going on around me, I have small conversations but I'm not really in control. It normally happens after some sort a trigger but I'm not sure what all of them are. I'll do homework, drive, eat, work, whatever I'm supposed to do and then suddenly realize I've no idea how I got any of it done." ~Courtney Heathfield
"Smells trigger memories for me. Beer smell brings me back and I relive those moments. I stare off into space and hear nothing around me. Certain people that look familiar trigger it also. I get panicked and sweaty. Sometimes anxiety attacks. Some programs on tv also trigger it and I feel sick and weepy." ~Catherine M. Hodge
"I disassociate alot. Intense emotion is usually the trigger...either anger or fear or sadness. My ex-husband and my son trigger my anger and I "watch" as this other self, consumed by rage, acts out in ways my conscious self would never permit, if she were present. I "wake up" filled with remorse for things I've said and done. When I'm in sadness or fear of abandonment, I lose my ability to hear (things sound muffled like I'm underwater) or I can't remember what someone said to me or lots of time elapses without my awareness. I guess I would describe it as my true self becomes a witness in times of anger and goes into sleep mode in times of sadness. Sometimes in times of intense fear, the rager comes out demanding information in a panic-stricken frenzy. My real self watches in shock and waits for it to be over." ~Anonymous
"With my anxiety disorder, before and sometimes during anxiety and panic attacks, I "separate" as I call it, or "space out". Everything seems to slow down, rooms will get crisp looking or seem really small. I will hear nothing from anyone if they are speaking with me. When I do "come back" I usually continue with my attack until I feel grounded or safe... Worry free sort of speak. With my PTSD it is more of a feeling of not being good enough. Thoughts that things can't be real or I can't be real... This can't be happening.... That sort of thing. When the disassociation with my PTSD happens it is usually followed with getting depressed. Beating myself up because I don't feel normal or good. It causes a worthless feeling which in turn causes me to hermit. Not go out or talk to anyone. With my anxiety disorder, usually an attack will trigger the disassociation. Can happen before, during or even after an attack. Usually ends with an attack most of the time. Feeling grounded helps but not always. " ~Summer Cramer
I could not get any more people to describe their experiences, but these are the ones I could receive.****
****I may add on if anyone gives me more. All are welcome to participate.
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
Bullying, The Horrible Truth
It’s a cool, Autumn day in Portland. On this particular day, the sun has made a rare appearance. Shining its rays on those who are shuffling around town. The busy bustle of downtown and the sound of the Willamette river fill the air as the day lingers on. In a school yard, there sits a young girl. Her blond hair in pigtails and her cheeks a bright red from smiling. She was swinging on the swing set. She had very few friends and the ones she did have were not at the school she attended. Many of her peers did not like her presence and thought of her as the strange one. It wasn’t her fault. She was born different and her 8 year old classmates weren’t old enough to know that. They just saw that she was trying too hard, that she spoke funny and acted weird. To a parent’s eye it was sad, but little Noelle didn’t care. She was just being herself.
Until that day, she sat all alone on the swing set. She was having fun and didn’t care how others thought of her. As she sat there, three girls came up to her. They pushed her off of the swings. They hurled some of the worse names that she has heard in her life. They punched her and pulled her hair. They then stole her lunch money. They left her crying and bleeding in the sand in front of the swing she was just having fun in. No one came over for what felt like forever to Noelle. The teacher who found her helped her up and asked what had taken place and she couldn’t say because she was too scared to tell. Her parents were called down and were told to take her home. When asked what they would do to stop these girls, they refused to do anything stating that Noelle was asking for it, that because of how different she is from the other kids, this was her fault. Noelle never trusted another school employee again. From that point on, she became depressed and angry. The bullying continued well into her high school years. Between already having Autism Spectrum Disorder, she was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety. Her grades were never good, she had frequent trips to the hospital with suicide attempts. Her parents, try as they did, could do nothing to help her. She fell into a hole that nothing seems to get her out of. Noelle ended up committing suicide at the age of 16.
In a small office in Chicago, John Cevik sat at his cubical doing his work. He was a mousey, quiet fellow who never bothered anyone, usually got there early and left on time, and never made a fuss. He was not anyone’s friend because he was there to work and to work only. His private life did not mix with his insurance sales. One day, he decided to get himself more coffee because he was working on a particularly hard case and the paperwork was lengthy and hard. AS he walked over to the break room, he overheard two employees talking. “Ya have you seen that John Fellow? He’s so quiet. I wonder why he doesn’t talk to anyone?” the first voice said. “I don’t know but he’s just so creepy, I heard he was fired from his last job for touching a woman.” The second one snickered. “You don’t say? No wonder why he never goes to the office parties or get togethers!” “Well I definitely don’t want to, don’t need him touching me!” They snickered and continued on. John shook his head and thought to himself, “Well it must be another John, I mean I haven’t done anything to get people to not like me.” So e continued on to get his coffee. When he sat back down at his desk, there was a note on his desk, “You’re a perv, why are you here anyways?” He looked around and sighed. He then threw away the paper and went back to work.
At about five o’clock he clocked out and proceeded to walk to his car. As he was about half way there, two of his male colleagues stopped him. “Where are you going?” Sad the first. “You going to attack little, helpless women?” The second laughed. John sighed and tried to walk on. “Where do you think you’re going?” The biggest one said. “I am going to my car, I haven’t touched anyone and I don’t plan to. I have a wife and a small baby at home who I adore and would never do something like that.” “Right, like you’d tell the truth! I am going to teach you a lesson you won’t forget!”
Black, blue and bloody he drove home. He walked up to his front door and opened it. His wife called out a hello but he ignored it and went to be. The next day at work, his boss called him in to his office.
“Mr. Cevik, I have been receiving some very disturbing complaints of you as of late. I have had two women complain that you have touched them inappropriately. What do you have to say to this? And what in Godly tarnations happened to your face?” “Sir, I have done no such thing. I have always kept to myself, I am always early, leave on time, I don’t go to the parties because I want time with my family, I always get my work done and I don’t really communicate with anyone aside from your self sir. I don’t know why anyone would say anything like this, I have a wife I love deeply and a daughter who just learned to walk this morning. I would do anything for them and I love my wife so deeply I have never even so much as looked as any other woman than her. As far as my face goes, Landy and Grost cornered me in the garage last night and beat me up. I didn’t say or do anything to them, and I just went on my way after.” “Being that you have never given me any trouble for the last 15 years you have worked here, I am inclined to believe your story. I will talk to these two women and straighten them out as well as talk to the men that did this too you. For your safety I ask that you let me know when you leave. If they bother you again, you call the police, clear?””Yes sir, thank you sir.” And John quickly left the room. He went back to work.
Two hours later the two women who had been spreading rumors, came up to him and threatened him that it wasn’t over. For two months straight, they harassed and bothered him. They didn’t give him a break. He decided after so long and many reports to HR with no luck, that he would find another job and quit. Once he found a job, he went to his boss and quit the job. He got nothing for the fifteen years and he felt that these women had won but he had nothing else he could do. So he walked out of there with his head hung low.
These sort of things happen every day, to anyone, anywhere. It’s called bullying. Bullying can take place online, at school, at home, at work and outside in public. Many times bullying goes unreported or ignored. Many times the victim is blamed or is not listened to.
When the case is at school, many times the child doesn’t report it. “64 percent of children who were bullied did not report it; only 36 percent reported the bullying. (Petrosina, Guckenburg, DeVoe, and Hanson, 2010)” Which can lead to many things. “…students who are bullied are more likely to experience low self-esteem and isolation, perform poorly in school, have few friends in school, have a negative view of school, experience physical symptoms (such as headaches, stomachaches, or problems sleeping), and to experience mental health issues (such as depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety (Center for Disease Control, Bullying Surveillance Among Youths, 2014). “Bullying affects witnesses as well as targets. Witnesses are more likely to use tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs; have increased mental health problems; and miss or skip school (StopBullying.gov). “ More often than not, those who have committed suicide, have been severely bullied. Those who have the courage to report the bullying end up in a worse situation where they are blamed in one way or another for the bullying, the school edns up becoming the bully or the bullies come after them. The only way to stop bullying is for the schools to take action and for the parents to become active in their child’s lives. We must keep an eye on what our children do on Facebook and social media and we must teach them that we need to be kind to others, to see past physical and mental appearances, and to stand up for those who they see being bullied. These are a few things that could help our children grow to be kinder. How can our children grow up to be respectful of others if we ourselves do not teach them to be?? (http://www.pacer.org/bullying/)
Adults can be bullied as well. Not only does it create the same sort of side effects as above, but it can completely ruin their career and lives. Workplace bullying can lead to jobs lost, careers destroyed, marriages broken, and lives lost. People work to put themselves where they are at and bullies in the workplace can be slanderers. One wrong word, one wrong rumor, can destroy a person’s career. Often times like in John’s case, these rumors can’t be stopped. HR may just easily forget or ignore when told. They may even continue the bullying. Things that can help stop this from happening is HR taking these cases seriously, Creating action plans, workshops, and interventions. There are many websites that give advice on these subjects and even groups that can be hired to conduct these. Every business should have these in place to make sure that bullying does not happen and if it does, that it is handled immediately. (http://www.workplacebullying.org/)
Bullying is a serious epidemic in the world, not just in the USA. It can lead to major consequences and in the worse case, suicide. It needs to end but it can’t until we all work together to stop it. Yes, children can be mean and some adults too but if we stop this thought that “kids will be kids”, it can make a world of difference. We keep making excuses, we keep allowing it to happen. We must stop this. The bullies must take accountability for the things they have done, until then it will not end.
Resources:
http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/#
The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See below for additional crisis services and hotlines.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
Nacional de Prevención del Suicidio
1-888-628-9454
Options For Deaf + Hard of Hearing
1-800-799-4889
Veterans Crisis Line
1-800-273-8255
Text 838255
Disaster Distress Helpline
1-800-985-5990
Text TalkWithUs to 66746
Until that day, she sat all alone on the swing set. She was having fun and didn’t care how others thought of her. As she sat there, three girls came up to her. They pushed her off of the swings. They hurled some of the worse names that she has heard in her life. They punched her and pulled her hair. They then stole her lunch money. They left her crying and bleeding in the sand in front of the swing she was just having fun in. No one came over for what felt like forever to Noelle. The teacher who found her helped her up and asked what had taken place and she couldn’t say because she was too scared to tell. Her parents were called down and were told to take her home. When asked what they would do to stop these girls, they refused to do anything stating that Noelle was asking for it, that because of how different she is from the other kids, this was her fault. Noelle never trusted another school employee again. From that point on, she became depressed and angry. The bullying continued well into her high school years. Between already having Autism Spectrum Disorder, she was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety. Her grades were never good, she had frequent trips to the hospital with suicide attempts. Her parents, try as they did, could do nothing to help her. She fell into a hole that nothing seems to get her out of. Noelle ended up committing suicide at the age of 16.
In a small office in Chicago, John Cevik sat at his cubical doing his work. He was a mousey, quiet fellow who never bothered anyone, usually got there early and left on time, and never made a fuss. He was not anyone’s friend because he was there to work and to work only. His private life did not mix with his insurance sales. One day, he decided to get himself more coffee because he was working on a particularly hard case and the paperwork was lengthy and hard. AS he walked over to the break room, he overheard two employees talking. “Ya have you seen that John Fellow? He’s so quiet. I wonder why he doesn’t talk to anyone?” the first voice said. “I don’t know but he’s just so creepy, I heard he was fired from his last job for touching a woman.” The second one snickered. “You don’t say? No wonder why he never goes to the office parties or get togethers!” “Well I definitely don’t want to, don’t need him touching me!” They snickered and continued on. John shook his head and thought to himself, “Well it must be another John, I mean I haven’t done anything to get people to not like me.” So e continued on to get his coffee. When he sat back down at his desk, there was a note on his desk, “You’re a perv, why are you here anyways?” He looked around and sighed. He then threw away the paper and went back to work.
At about five o’clock he clocked out and proceeded to walk to his car. As he was about half way there, two of his male colleagues stopped him. “Where are you going?” Sad the first. “You going to attack little, helpless women?” The second laughed. John sighed and tried to walk on. “Where do you think you’re going?” The biggest one said. “I am going to my car, I haven’t touched anyone and I don’t plan to. I have a wife and a small baby at home who I adore and would never do something like that.” “Right, like you’d tell the truth! I am going to teach you a lesson you won’t forget!”
Black, blue and bloody he drove home. He walked up to his front door and opened it. His wife called out a hello but he ignored it and went to be. The next day at work, his boss called him in to his office.
“Mr. Cevik, I have been receiving some very disturbing complaints of you as of late. I have had two women complain that you have touched them inappropriately. What do you have to say to this? And what in Godly tarnations happened to your face?” “Sir, I have done no such thing. I have always kept to myself, I am always early, leave on time, I don’t go to the parties because I want time with my family, I always get my work done and I don’t really communicate with anyone aside from your self sir. I don’t know why anyone would say anything like this, I have a wife I love deeply and a daughter who just learned to walk this morning. I would do anything for them and I love my wife so deeply I have never even so much as looked as any other woman than her. As far as my face goes, Landy and Grost cornered me in the garage last night and beat me up. I didn’t say or do anything to them, and I just went on my way after.” “Being that you have never given me any trouble for the last 15 years you have worked here, I am inclined to believe your story. I will talk to these two women and straighten them out as well as talk to the men that did this too you. For your safety I ask that you let me know when you leave. If they bother you again, you call the police, clear?””Yes sir, thank you sir.” And John quickly left the room. He went back to work.
Two hours later the two women who had been spreading rumors, came up to him and threatened him that it wasn’t over. For two months straight, they harassed and bothered him. They didn’t give him a break. He decided after so long and many reports to HR with no luck, that he would find another job and quit. Once he found a job, he went to his boss and quit the job. He got nothing for the fifteen years and he felt that these women had won but he had nothing else he could do. So he walked out of there with his head hung low.
These sort of things happen every day, to anyone, anywhere. It’s called bullying. Bullying can take place online, at school, at home, at work and outside in public. Many times bullying goes unreported or ignored. Many times the victim is blamed or is not listened to.
When the case is at school, many times the child doesn’t report it. “64 percent of children who were bullied did not report it; only 36 percent reported the bullying. (Petrosina, Guckenburg, DeVoe, and Hanson, 2010)” Which can lead to many things. “…students who are bullied are more likely to experience low self-esteem and isolation, perform poorly in school, have few friends in school, have a negative view of school, experience physical symptoms (such as headaches, stomachaches, or problems sleeping), and to experience mental health issues (such as depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety (Center for Disease Control, Bullying Surveillance Among Youths, 2014). “Bullying affects witnesses as well as targets. Witnesses are more likely to use tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs; have increased mental health problems; and miss or skip school (StopBullying.gov). “ More often than not, those who have committed suicide, have been severely bullied. Those who have the courage to report the bullying end up in a worse situation where they are blamed in one way or another for the bullying, the school edns up becoming the bully or the bullies come after them. The only way to stop bullying is for the schools to take action and for the parents to become active in their child’s lives. We must keep an eye on what our children do on Facebook and social media and we must teach them that we need to be kind to others, to see past physical and mental appearances, and to stand up for those who they see being bullied. These are a few things that could help our children grow to be kinder. How can our children grow up to be respectful of others if we ourselves do not teach them to be?? (http://www.pacer.org/bullying/)
Adults can be bullied as well. Not only does it create the same sort of side effects as above, but it can completely ruin their career and lives. Workplace bullying can lead to jobs lost, careers destroyed, marriages broken, and lives lost. People work to put themselves where they are at and bullies in the workplace can be slanderers. One wrong word, one wrong rumor, can destroy a person’s career. Often times like in John’s case, these rumors can’t be stopped. HR may just easily forget or ignore when told. They may even continue the bullying. Things that can help stop this from happening is HR taking these cases seriously, Creating action plans, workshops, and interventions. There are many websites that give advice on these subjects and even groups that can be hired to conduct these. Every business should have these in place to make sure that bullying does not happen and if it does, that it is handled immediately. (http://www.workplacebullying.org/)
Bullying is a serious epidemic in the world, not just in the USA. It can lead to major consequences and in the worse case, suicide. It needs to end but it can’t until we all work together to stop it. Yes, children can be mean and some adults too but if we stop this thought that “kids will be kids”, it can make a world of difference. We keep making excuses, we keep allowing it to happen. We must stop this. The bullies must take accountability for the things they have done, until then it will not end.
Resources:
http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/#
The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See below for additional crisis services and hotlines.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255
Nacional de Prevención del Suicidio
1-888-628-9454
Options For Deaf + Hard of Hearing
1-800-799-4889
Veterans Crisis Line
1-800-273-8255
Text 838255
Disaster Distress Helpline
1-800-985-5990
Text TalkWithUs to 66746
Monday, October 17, 2016
Closed. A Poem By Arianna Nyswonger ©
Sadness.
Sadness comes when I see,
All those with a voice
Giving in to those around me.
The words penetrate their minds
Bodies
And souls,
They don't realize what they have done.
Freely given,
As if not a crime,
Scared to death
To speak my mind.
As my peers,
Decide my fate
All because of their reformed hate,
I become smaller
And smaller with time.
I open my mouth
To speak what I must,
But it falls on deaf hears.
The loudest ones,
Have silenced all.
Like a tyrant,
They try to make us fall.
Drugged on media,
They quickly give away
All the freedoms that they crave.
Like the lions
In the wild
They eat the drugged and hopeless
They devour their minds
Enslave their souls
They think it a game,
To create this illusion
That so many admire.
They think that they will win,
They think we have no mind.
The sheep with no way to break free,
Follow the wolf
The wolf claims to have the key
To their new formed destiny
But the key is rusted and moldy,
It's to the door in which their death lies beyond
Not all of us are sheep,
There are the lambs that broke from the herd long ago
Although we are looked down upon
Although we are frightened
We are not the sheep being led to their slaughter
We are not the sheep
So while the sheep dance to the wolfs happy tune
We will sit here and smile
For only they knew
What we know
Sadness.
For only the silenced
Have the knowledge
That the loud can't see.
©Arianna Nyswonger, 2016
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
The White Room
It wasn't very long ago when I was stuck in what I like to call the White Room. This white room doesn't have any windows, doors, or anyway out of it. It's just a four walled room. The ceiling, floor and walls white. Nothing of substantial color in there. Just how it's described, white. It's maddening. It can make anyone go absolutely insane.
What is this white room you ask?
It's my metaphor for disassociation. It's a mechanism many with PTSD have when their brain feels threatened. Their brain goes within itself and you are stuck. You are alone in this room with what feels like no way out. It's not just "depression". Although one may go through it at the same time as depression, they are not quite the same. When you disassociate, you're more than stuck in your own mind. You've been taken hostage by a being that is meant to help you, instead it's destroying you. The world around you falls away, you can't pay any attention to the things going on around you because your mind isn't there. You're stuck till you are pulled out.
Sometimes it can last a few hours up to even a few years! It takes a lot to pull someone out of this state, sometimes the person can do it on their own, sometimes people help the person, and sometimes the only solution to it is medication. There was a point where I was in one for 3 years! The only thing that helped me pull myself out of it was moving to another state. My most recent lasted several months. I'd sit there for hours staring at a wall, staring at my phone, losing myself in my own mind. There were days that I completely lost myself that I forgot to eat. It took new medication for me to pull out of it.
How does it affect someone's life?
Other than losing yourself in your own mind, it can affect multiple areas. I'll share how it affected me because it is different for everyone. For me , I can't clean, cook, move sometimes, lack of concentration, exhausted and my depression gets worse. If my house is a mess, like you can't see the floor, I may be going through disassociation. I lose friends and people start to think I am just ignoring them even though I am really not.
Why am I writing about this?
It needs more awareness. Many don't know what happens when you go through this or what disassociation is. In hopes of helping those who have no clue how to describe it, I decided that this would be my newest blog post.
To those who go through this, feel free to add to or share your own experiences.
What is this white room you ask?
It's my metaphor for disassociation. It's a mechanism many with PTSD have when their brain feels threatened. Their brain goes within itself and you are stuck. You are alone in this room with what feels like no way out. It's not just "depression". Although one may go through it at the same time as depression, they are not quite the same. When you disassociate, you're more than stuck in your own mind. You've been taken hostage by a being that is meant to help you, instead it's destroying you. The world around you falls away, you can't pay any attention to the things going on around you because your mind isn't there. You're stuck till you are pulled out.
Sometimes it can last a few hours up to even a few years! It takes a lot to pull someone out of this state, sometimes the person can do it on their own, sometimes people help the person, and sometimes the only solution to it is medication. There was a point where I was in one for 3 years! The only thing that helped me pull myself out of it was moving to another state. My most recent lasted several months. I'd sit there for hours staring at a wall, staring at my phone, losing myself in my own mind. There were days that I completely lost myself that I forgot to eat. It took new medication for me to pull out of it.
How does it affect someone's life?
Other than losing yourself in your own mind, it can affect multiple areas. I'll share how it affected me because it is different for everyone. For me , I can't clean, cook, move sometimes, lack of concentration, exhausted and my depression gets worse. If my house is a mess, like you can't see the floor, I may be going through disassociation. I lose friends and people start to think I am just ignoring them even though I am really not.
Why am I writing about this?
It needs more awareness. Many don't know what happens when you go through this or what disassociation is. In hopes of helping those who have no clue how to describe it, I decided that this would be my newest blog post.
To those who go through this, feel free to add to or share your own experiences.
Sunday, September 25, 2016
A Letter to My Loved Ones
Dear friends and
family who have stuck by me,
I notice you. I
notice when you help me, when you are there for me, when you support
me through the rough times. I notice you when you drop what you’re
doing to assist me with something. I notice you. I am so very
thankful for all that you have done for me. It’s been difficult to
accept what my body has done to me. It’s taken so much, but I am
blessed it has not taken you away. You may not realize this, but
those little texts, the hanging out when I am lonely, the random
calls, and the offers to help clean, cook, etc. are much bigger than
just favors- they are blessings. These little things make me feel
wanted, special, and cared about. I have lost so many people from
being so physically ill, but I have found who my true friends are. I
can’t express how thankful I am for you guys being around. I have
learned so much from this experience and without you guys, I wouldn’t
have learned any of it.
So here’s me
saying my deepest thank yous, here’s me saying that I love you
guys. I love that you guys help me, I love that you guys weren’t
angry when I started needing a wheelchair. You guys were there when I
needed a shoulder to cry on and when I needed to make some of the
biggest decisions of my life.
As a chronic
illness patient, it’s hard to know who will stick by me thick and
thin. You guys have helped me realize that there’ll always be
someone there for me.
Love,
Your Loved One With
Chronic Illnesses
Saturday, September 10, 2016
When You Must Chose Between Pain and Freedom.
Making the rough decision to get a wheelchair
“Thank you Babe for getting this darn walker out of the car!” I tell my boyfriend as I unfold my walker in front of me. It was a warm, sunny Sunday afternoon and we had just left a long day at church but stopped off at the local store because I was out of food, I looked up and saw the long walk to the front of the store from my handicapped parking spot and sighed. When I got to the front of the store, I was already tired out and we still had to shop. So I hobble into the store with my boyfriend leading the way with the basket.
I suffer from Autoimmune Diseases that are taking a lot from me-- quickly. It has stolen so much from me and given me things in return that I really don’t want, like unimaginable and horrific pain, sleepless nights and days spent in bed.
I was able to go five minutes without pain. It came on quick and suddenly. My knees buckled, my breath was stolen from my body, my teeth clenched and my eyes watered. I bit my tongue and continued walking, I was determined to get the things I needed. I tried to hide the pain like I usually do from my boyfriend, I hate when he sees me in pain but the mask came off quickly and in a loving way, told me to sit and that he’d help me retrieve what I needed.
This is normalcy for my boyfriend and I. My walker doesn’t help me and the pain only stops when I sit. It’s hard on both of us and cuts our dates and fun times short. I don’t want to have my fun days stopped.
Later that night, I went home and thought about getting a wheelchair. I had been thinking of asking for a while now. I cried and asked myself why me? Getting a chair is scary, you have so many things you need to think of when you are looking to get one. Thoughts like: what if they stare? What if they call me names for not being paralyzed? What about the judgment? Then you have to contemplate whether they are going to think you are giving up, is it worth it? I asked myself the same questions over and over again.
I eventually realized that people’s opinions don’t matter and that if people want to stare, that’s their issue. If this will get me out and about, if this will give me some sort of sense of freedom, why not? The thing is, this sort of thinking grew and developed from society’s fear of those who are different. They hate on anyone they can’t understand. Society makes those like myself doubt themselves. Society tells me that because I am not paralyzed I do not need a wheelchair. Society, society, Society! It’s funny how society is usually the reason that many people become like myself: waiting till the last moment to get what they need.
Against what society wishes but in agreement with my family and friends, I decided to listen to my sister and boyfriend and I asked for a wheelchair. It was scary, nerve wracking and extremely hard to admit I need a chair now. My doctor was amazing and thought that I needed it as well.
As a society, we must change our thinking patterns. We must stop allowing passion to run our reason. We must teach ourselves and others the truth, and that is not everyone in a wheelchair is paralyzed and not all illnesses are visible.
(has been submitted to the Mighty for possible Publication)
Friday, September 9, 2016
Trials and Tribulations
I have learned that while trials and tribulations are hard things to over come, using them to teach and better the world is better than moping and thinking things will never be better.
Yes, sometimes our afflictions don't get better, but the way you perceive them can make a world of difference. Instead of staying in the thinking position where you're telling yourself 'why continue if it's only going to get worse?', ask yourself 'how can I use this experience to better the understanding of those around me? How can I help others with this experience?'. Don't let yourself be your own worse enemy, fight against the intrusive thoughts.
If we can remember that although these things happening to us probably royally suck, others may not realize that. If we use this to help those who don't realize how it truly does suck, if we use it to show the world that these stereotypes are not real, we can use a really sucky thing to better the world around us.
I know that by doing this, it has bettered me as a person and has truly helped me see the smaller things in life as blessings.
You are strong, you can do this.
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